Posts by Good JW

23

By there fruits: The JW's very rarely encourage forgiveness

by goingthruthemotions in

by there fruits you can tell a true christian.

well if this is the case, then if you are not blind it is easy to see that the witnesses truly not what they present themselves as.

my wife is a testament to this characteristic.

Good JW

Hi Sunworshipper805, I didn't intend this to be an all out attack, was hoping to strike some balance through constructive criticism that's all. "Give the poor guy a break" is the wrong way of seeing this.

Let's break down what happened in here - goingthruthemotions started a thread that was completely based around bashing the JWs for their bad fruitage. I understand that, and have done the same myself to certain degrees. The alarm bells went off however when he uses his own wife (!) of nearly 30 years as a perfect example of a "false Christian". He judges her, gets a forum to pity him and be against his wife. This is the same wife whom he vowed "to have and to hold...for better, for worse". So much for the sanctity of marriage.

Which part of any of this seems reasonable and loving to you? If his relationship is in tatters, and he blames this all on the JW religion (or his wife's behaviour), is it going to do him or his current and future relationships any good by saying "there there, you poor man, you're just a victim, let me wrap you up". Of course not. I'm trying to be honest so that something positive can be done.

Look at it the other way, if "goingthruthemotions" listens to all those who've labelled/implied his wife is a narcissist (re-read the first page, this did happen, I'm not jumping to conclusions) then all he will do is judge her even more and there'll be greater dysfunction of the family! He will see her less as a human being and just some cultist with mental problems. How exactly would that help his situation? His only seeing things through his own eyes is not going to help - it's blinding him from reality to the point of harm. A good friend won't just tell you what you want to hear, and that's the unfortunate reality of the exJW community; too much mollycoddling (fear of accountability) and not enough reality checks.

Granted, I do sympathise with "goingthruthemotions" as regards leaving the org, this is a very confusing time! But other than empathising initially, I don't believe it would be doing any favours by misleading him into shifting blame onto everything else. Why? Because then he's taking away his own power! He's taking away his own control, his own ability to do something about it, and ultimately his satisfaction from life. Seeing things in black and white (us against them - the exJWs against the WT, for example, or him against his wife) is not healthy, it causes you to avoid the real issues in life.

23

By there fruits: The JW's very rarely encourage forgiveness

by goingthruthemotions in

by there fruits you can tell a true christian.

well if this is the case, then if you are not blind it is easy to see that the witnesses truly not what they present themselves as.

my wife is a testament to this characteristic.

Good JW

Narcissists Do NOT accept blame. THEY blame their victims

Which is why I said that it's kinda funny pointing the finger at everything JW related ("big bad borg") without taking ownership of our own lives.

The OP starter talks about how his wife doesn't forgive/show compassion and always brings up past errors....Yet on what planet is it respectable, honourable and loyal to be badmouthing your own wife on a public forum? And then to think of oneself as being the "wronged one" who needs to be given an apology to?

Bit narcissistic right? :)

OK, just playing devil's advocate here...

23

By there fruits: The JW's very rarely encourage forgiveness

by goingthruthemotions in

by there fruits you can tell a true christian.

well if this is the case, then if you are not blind it is easy to see that the witnesses truly not what they present themselves as.

my wife is a testament to this characteristic.

Good JW

I will allow for the possibility that a person could simply have no experience with Narcissists.

I'm allowing for the case that those who have used this label "narcissist" for the OP's wife are maybe biased because they've been badly affected by an actual narcissist. Suddenly everyone who expresses certain similar traits is a "narcissist".

Of course, you both could be right...just cautioning against jumping to conclusions before getting all the facts, that's all (and displaying a bit of amusing reflection).

Have met plenty of people with mental health problems. True narcissists are rare though (1%), and mainly in the male sex. I've known of 1 (a JW at the time), his marriage lasted less than 2 years. He screwed over many in his business dealings, including his own father in law (put him in a load of debt).

23

By there fruits: The JW's very rarely encourage forgiveness

by goingthruthemotions in

by there fruits you can tell a true christian.

well if this is the case, then if you are not blind it is easy to see that the witnesses truly not what they present themselves as.

my wife is a testament to this characteristic.

Good JW

Gee whiz, now we're diagnosing the wife as a narcissist? This word gets thrown around far too much lol.

Look around the world, you'll find most people rarely apologise/forgive (ie genuinely). This is a rare trait. Most people point the finger at someone else when things go wrong.

"My life sucks because..."

"Things go for me wrong because dad was..."

The irony in this thread seems to be the fact that "an ex JW is 'always right' (because they left the wicked org) and there's no need to be apologetic".

Can't people see the hypocrisy here?

23

By there fruits: The JW's very rarely encourage forgiveness

by goingthruthemotions in

by there fruits you can tell a true christian.

well if this is the case, then if you are not blind it is easy to see that the witnesses truly not what they present themselves as.

my wife is a testament to this characteristic.

Good JW

Perhaps your wife is pissed off with your seeming disrespect? From her standpoint all she's seeing is you being negative, and this gets her fed up to the point of switching off?

As hard as this may be, it might be best to back off a little bit...

9

my 25 year anniversary of life after the WTS

by jookbeard in

its been a hell of a journey and not one i regret, i've had my testimony featured in free minds, married divorced, married again had 2 children, survived a very serious illness and come out just about unscathed.

it all started sometime in the early 1990's around the time of the waco siege, i just couldn't accept these crazy doctrines anymore of the belief system i was born into, the death and destruction of billions, the big a, the restoring of the earth to a paradise and the even bigger lie of a resurrection of billions, come early 1993 i had decided to fade, i attended the memorial of that year and decided never ever to return and i never did, come 1994 i had really hit rock bottom, divorced the following year, moved away,started a new career, a new life, the rest they say is history, anyone reading this and having similar thoughts, go for it!

you wont regret it..

Good JW

Thanks Jookbeard! Great to see long time ex JWs doing well :)

If I could give a bit of advice to those who've just left or are thinking about it; do it with passion. Don't be lukewarm about your decisions - now's the time for some decent changes. Put your whole heart into and do the (healthy) things you've always wanted to do but felt scared before. This takes quite a bit of getting used to, you have to really quiet the mind (meditate) and figure out what you desire, then you have to get over obstacles in the way (mainly your own mind!...ranging from fear, guilt and silly taboos that your previous religious group instilled).

Give yourself decent enough goals to strive for (don't make them small and insignificant otherwise it won't stoke you), then you will go through life motivated and enthused, rather than defeated and like a victim. Always give yourself something to look forward to. Never let fear of uncertainty dampen your zeal or restrict you.

Cherish your relationships with others and always try your best to smooth things over if rifts appear. Be a good (genuine) friend.

35

Local elder dies of starvation

by Steel in

well , not really.. our hall recently had a secret collection for our head elder who is almost on the verge of becoming homeless.

i guess he lost some cleaning contracts because his clients were just sick of his no shows because of his pioneer work.

there is always something more important to do than earn a living.. this is the same assholes he is always shaming people to not doing enough.

Good JW

they have the audacity to criticize those responsible ones who DO work as being 'not spiritual'.

LongHairGal - Yeah it took me a while to get that idea out my head (career = worldly) - really difficult when it's been ingrained from birth. My dad encouraged me to go to college etc (a bit out of the ordinary for an ex elder), but my mum always wanted me to be like "spiritual big brother" who went to bethel and forsook "worldly stuff".

Success in life is an attitude, not just circumstances (i.e. if you want something you need to really WORK for it). I see the contrast in behaviours very clearly now, and it was so frustrating when you were surrounded by folk in a religion who just didn't get it, or worse, confused by a religion who disguised humanity's fears/laziness as something virtuous/noble and spiritual. They see things in black or white - "spirituality vs career". Unfortunately it's cyclical - parents teach their children who then teach their children ("career or money's bad"). The religious leaders do the same thing.

Funny you should say that about the freeloaders falling on difficult times; at least one family I know of now the wife has had to go out to work (on a farm). Jehovah must be on a toilet break at the moment :) She's happier for it though (bit more self worth/daily exercise), although not as smug lol.

35

Local elder dies of starvation

by Steel in

well , not really.. our hall recently had a secret collection for our head elder who is almost on the verge of becoming homeless.

i guess he lost some cleaning contracts because his clients were just sick of his no shows because of his pioneer work.

there is always something more important to do than earn a living.. this is the same assholes he is always shaming people to not doing enough.

Good JW

I would have helped her but would have NEVER helped a Witness who didn't want to work.

LongHairGal - Tell me about it! How come you're the "go to" guy/girl (i.e. someone already snowed under) when they often have far too much free time on their hands or at least have some bum in the family/circle who could help? Give them an inch and they'll soon be walking all over you...

I knew of witnesses who would find ways to avoid paying their council tax (a standard housing tax in UK). They'd be on benefits (welfare), working cash in hand jobs (not declaring full amount to again save on taxes/get more benefits) etc. Even though the state paid half their rent, they'd be really fussy/entitled when it came to what they expected their landlords to do (e.g. in one case the poor guy came out to unblock sh*t from their toilet! Hard to believe but true). They got so much help from congregation members due to the fact that they were seen as "role models" - i.e. pioneers. (e.g. in one case my family, including giving a roof over their heads, until we wizened up to their piss taking). The funniest part is when they show little gratitude to the ones who are literally helping (holding them up), but rather get further puffed up because "Jehovah was blessing them" LOL!

35

Local elder dies of starvation

by Steel in

well , not really.. our hall recently had a secret collection for our head elder who is almost on the verge of becoming homeless.

i guess he lost some cleaning contracts because his clients were just sick of his no shows because of his pioneer work.

there is always something more important to do than earn a living.. this is the same assholes he is always shaming people to not doing enough.

Good JW

If witnesses were all given a horse due to mental health issues then people would think JW's have converted en masse to the Amish

35

Local elder dies of starvation

by Steel in

well , not really.. our hall recently had a secret collection for our head elder who is almost on the verge of becoming homeless.

i guess he lost some cleaning contracts because his clients were just sick of his no shows because of his pioneer work.

there is always something more important to do than earn a living.. this is the same assholes he is always shaming people to not doing enough.

Good JW

I wish everybody in the worldwide organization would send me a penny

Stillin, you got to think bigger than that.

Eg Get the congregations to give you their halls and still pay you a kind of tax. Manipulate people into donating their wills to you. Etc.

PS - reduce the costs of these demands by putting them online (call it "Jehovah's chariot" if the elderly kick up a stink)